Hello Tumblr it’s been a while. So, I decided to post something today because I really just want to say this where people won’t see it. This has been going on since grade school but I never addressed it to anyone, probably because I thought that I was the only one feeling this way, until I saw someone who feels the same way. Anyway. Okay the thing is, I am an independent person. Or maybe I feel like one. I take pride in things that I do and in what I have done so far. I also just learned how to be proud of myself (I also learned how to love myself apparently. Thanks, BTS). Basically, I like when I do things for myself.

So what am I saying? What I’m saying is, I don’t like asking others for help. I know I’ve asked a lot of people for help, but it’s because I am really in need of it :( And it’s not that I’m not grateful when they do (I am!!) but I feel like, I feel weak sometimes? I feel dependent? And I hate that feeling. I don’t even know why but I just do.. and I know it’s stupid because everyone needs help. Another thing is, I also don’t like receiving gifts especially when it’s not on occasion? I like it when I give. When people receive gifts from me which I seldom do because I’m a broke ass bitch. But when I do have the funds, I want to give everyone what they want. I also would rather have people not treat me. Honestly, I feel indebted when people do that, especially my friends :( I know I jokingly say ‘treat me’ but I don’t really mean it. This friend of mine often gives me things and treats me food, and I know that’s really sweet of her but I’d prefer she just spends it on herself. I am really grateful for the things she’s given me but she really doesn’t have to :( even my aunts do this. But when they give me something, it’s usually just their old stuff. I kind of feel like, they just give me their things that are not of use anymore and not because they actually want to give me something. 

Anyway. Like I said, I am grateful. But I know I sound like an ungrateful bitch. And that wasn’t my intention :( You know, my friends are really something special. Another friend of mine sent me a very long encouraging message and upon reading it, I teared up. She was so willing to help me get through this that I don’t even know how to thank her. A lot of my friends were willing to help me with this thing and I really just want to cry. Just how lucky am I? Sometimes I feel like I am in an alternative universe where people are all good. Maybe my friends just make me feel that way. Okay so… That’s all. That’s all I want to say for now. Thanks for listening to my press conference.